Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
