Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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