Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
