just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
