I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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