Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
