please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Mom said you looked used
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
