bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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