Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
