WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
