How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
