She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
