new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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