She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
