got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
