Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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