The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i think i just lost a toe
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
