Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
