I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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