I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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