This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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