Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
