I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
