YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
