You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
