I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
