We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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