Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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