East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
