Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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