My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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