um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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