He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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