She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
