Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
