I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
