Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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