you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
