Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
