At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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