before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
