I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I forget how to act sober
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
