Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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