I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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