yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
