I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
