A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
