I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
