I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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