Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
