Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
