In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
