How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
